quarta-feira, 21 de setembro de 2016
de Joe Navarro e Marvin Karlins. 2008.
O que dizer desta leitura?
Que não me desiludiu em nada e que ainda superou expectativas. Adorei.
Creio que o importante a reter de toda a informação que nos é apresentada neste livro interessantíssimo e de aplicação transversal é que se queremos ler os outros e perceber os seus verdadeiros pensamentos, sentimentos e intenções, acima de tudo temos de ser mente-aberta o suficiente para aceitar e compreender que nem todos os gestos de desconforto ou stress indicam necessariamente que a pessoa nos possa estar a mentir. Temos de ser inteligentes e pacientes. Saber localizar e contextualizar. Detectar quais os standards do indivíduo que estamos a observar e a analisar. E deixar que flua a nossa primeira e mais instintiva interpretação. Por norma nós sabemos interpretar os outros. Verbalmente. A sua expressão não-verbal é a mais difícil de ler mas por vezes a mais genuína. É nessa sua primeira reacção, primeira resposta, mais límbica e visceral que nos devemos concentrar. Nós nos outros, sabendo que os outros também o podem fazer a nós.
Recomendo para todo o tipo de pessoas, profissões, situações, idades e relações... O que se aprende com este tipo de matéria ou temática é de aplicação transversal, indiscriminada e válida tanto hoje como amanhã e depois de amanhã e por aí adiante.
O homem, ser humano, é um animal. Todas as suas acções e reacções têm um sentido muito básico e relacionado com instintos vitais de sobrevivência e perpetuação de espécie. No fundo tudo se pode resumir a isso! (Para quê complicar?!) Mesmo vivendo em comunidades que achamos ser complexas e desenvolvidas o homem mantém na sua base biológica e límbica o mesmo tipo de informação que tinham os nossos antepassados... possivelmente desde o australopithecus anamensis de há 4 milhões de anos atrás! As situações de perigo e stress mudaram (já não andamos literalmente a esconder ou a fugir de predadores, etc), mas as reacções a cada novo tipo de situação de stress são iguais ou muito semelhantes às que os nossos antepassados registaram... não há como refutar isso...
Frases ou ideias do livro que me despertaram particular interesse:
"Joe, it turns out, has spent his entire professional life studying, refining, and applying the science of nonverbal communications—facial expressions, gestures, physical movements (kinesics), body distance (proxemics), touching (haptics), posture, even clothing—to decipher what people are thinking, how they intend to act, and whether their pronouncements are true or false."
"Desmond Morris, Edward Hall, and Charles Darwin, who started it all with his seminal book The expression of the emotions in man and animals."
"There is an old Latin saying, “Qui docet, discit” (He who teaches, learns)."
"It is my hope that when you come to the end of this book, you too will have gained a profound knowledge of how we communicate nonverbally— and that your life will be enriched, as mine has been, by knowing what every body is saying."
"Nonverbal behaviors comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of all interpersonal communication and, during lovemaking, can constitute 100 percent of communication between partners this silent medium."
"If you ever wondered why people still fly to meetings in the age of computers, text messages, e-mails, telephones, and video conferencing, it is because of the need to express and observe nonverbal communications in person. Nothing beats seeing the nonverbals up close and personal."
The problem is that most people spend their lives looking but not truly seeing, or, as Sherlock Holmes, the meticulous English detective, declared to his partner, Dr. Watson, “You see, but you do not observe.”
"Becoming aware of the world around you is not a passive act. It is a conscious, deliberate behavior—something that takes effort, energy, and concentration to achieve, and constant practice to maintain."
“the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.”
"By examining what’s normal, we begin to recognize and identify what’s abnormal."
"In our modern society, the freeze response is employed more subtly in everyday life. You can observe it when people are caught bluffing or stealing, or sometimes when they are lying. When people feel threatened or exposed, they react just like our ancestors did a million years earlier; they freeze."
"Limbic response: freeze, flight and fight."
"The use of insults, ad hominem phrases, counterallegations, denigration of professional stature, goading, and sarcasm are all, in their own ways, the modern equivalents of fighting, because they are all forms of aggression."
"One of the best reasons for studying nonverbal behaviors is that they can sometimes warn you when a person intends to harm you physically, giving you time to avoid a potential conflict."
"Gavin de Becker was talking about in his insightful book, The Gift of Fear."
"I learned to concentrate on the suspect’s feet and legs first, moving upward in my observations until I read the face last. When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases as we move from the feet to the head."
"Nervousness, stress, fear, anxiety, caution, boredom, restlessness, happiness, joy, hurt, shyness, coyness, humility, awkwardness, confidence, subservience, depression, lethargy, playfulness, sensuality, and anger can all manifest through the feet and legs."
"Edward Hall, who studied the use of space in humans and other Animals - proxemics (Hall, 1969)."
"... mirroring of behaviors between two individuals (a comfort sign known as isopraxism)."
"According to Desmond Morris, scientists recognize approximately forty different styles of walking (Morris, 1985, 229–230)"
"How we walk often reflects our moods and attitudes (...) changes in the way people normally walk can reflect changes in their thoughts and emotions."
"There is ample scientific research that suggests that touch is very important for the well-being of humans. Health, mood, mental development, and even longevity are said to be influenced by how much physical contact we have with others and how often positive touching takes place (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 290–301)"
"Because our hands can execute very delicate movements, they can reflect very subtle nuances within the brain."
"The human brain is programmed to sense the slightest hand and finger movement. In fact, our brains give a disproportionate amount of attention to the wrists, palms, fingers, and hands, as compared to the rest of the body (Givens, 2005, 31, 76; Ratey, 2001, 162–165)"
"Because our brains have a natural bias to focus on the hands, successful entertainers, magicians, and great speakers have capitalized on this phenomenon to make their presentations more exciting or to distract us."
"When we interact in person with other individuals, we expect to see their hands, because the brain depends on them as an integral part of the communication process."
"Remember, it is change in behavior that is most significant."
"Research tells us liars tend to gesture less, touch less, and move their arms and legs less than honest people (Vrij, 2003, 65). This is consistent with limbic reactions. In the face of a threat (in this case having a lie detected), we move less or freeze so as not to attract attention."
... book Telling Lies, Dr. Paul Ekman
"Research has shown that once we move beyond a startle response, when we like something we see, our pupils dilate; when we don’t, they constrict."
"This type of blocking behavior is very ancient in origin and hardwired in our brains; even babies innately eye block within the womb when confronted with loud sounds. Even more amazing is the fact that children who are born blind will cover their eyes when they hear bad news (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 42–52)"
"Contrary to pupil constriction, contentment and positive emotions are indicated by pupil dilation. The brain is essentially saying, “I like what I see; let me see it better!”"
"Conversely, when we gaze away during a conversation, we tend to do so to engage a thought more clearly without the distraction of looking at the person with whom we are talking. This behavior is often mistaken as rudeness or as personal rejection, which it is not. Nor is it a sign of deception or disinterest; in fact, it is actually a comfort display (Vrij, 2003, 88–89). When talking to friends, we routinely look in the distance as we converse. We do this because we feel comfortable enough to do so; the limbic brain detects no threats from this person. Do not assume someone is being deceptive, disinterested, or displeased just because he or she looks away. Clarity of thought is often enhanced by looking away, and that is the reason we do it."
"In all cultures in which it has been studied, science validates that those who are dominant have more freedom in using eye-gaze behavior. In essence, these individuals are entitled to look wherever they want. Subordinates, however, are more restricted in where they can look and when."
"Just as permanent smile lines may develop from a lifetime of positive nonverbals and signify a happy life, a person with a wrinkled brow likely has had a challenging life in which he engaged in frequent frowning."
"If you are confused as to the meaning of a facial expression, reenact it and sense how it makes you feel."
"By mirroring another person’s behavior, we are subconsciously saying, “I am comfortable with you.”"
"We show discomfort when we do not like what is happening to us, when we do not like what we are seeing or hearing, or when we are compelled to talk about things we would prefer to keep hidden. We display discomfort first in our physiology, due to arousal of the limbic brain. Our heart rate quickens, our hairs stand on end, we perspire more, and we breathe faster. Beyond the physiological responses, which are autonomic (automatic) and require no thinking on our part, our bodies manifest discomfort nonverbally. We tend to move our bodies in an attempt to block or distance, we rearrange ourselves, jiggle our feet, fidget, twist at the hips, or drum our fingers when we are scared, nervous, or significantly uncomfortable (de Becker, 1997, 133)."
"When making false statements, liars will rarely touch or engage in other physical contact with you. I found this to be particularly true of informants who had gone bad and were giving false information for money. Since touching is more often performed by the truthful person for emphasis, this distancing helps to alleviate the level of anxiety a dishonest person is feeling."
"Keep in mind that predators and habitual liars actually engage in greater eye contact than most individuals, and will lock eyes with you. Research clearly shows that Machiavellian people (for example, psychopaths, con men, and habitual liars) will actually increase eye contact during deception (Ekman, 1991, 141–142). Perhaps this increase in eye contact is consciously employed by such individuals because it is so commonly (but erroneously) believed that looking someone straight in the eye is a sign of truthfulness."
"...stress indicators followed by pacifying behaviors..."
"Observing emphasis is important because emphasis is universal when people are being genuine. Emphasis is the limbic brain’s contribution to communication, a way to let others know just how potently we feel."
"Gravity-defying gestures are emblematic of emphasis and true sentiment, something liars rarely display."
"The palm-up position is not very affirmative and suggests that the person is asking to be believed."
"In extreme circumstances, distressed people may fold their arms and legs into their own body, assuming an almost fetal position."
"A person who is not comfortable, not emphasizing, and whose communication is out of synchrony is, at best, communicating poorly or, at worst, being deceptive."
"This book is about signs, too. When it comes to human behavior, there are basically two kinds of signs, verbal and nonverbal."
"...through an understanding of nonverbal behavior, you will achieve a deeper, more meaningful view of the world around you—able to hear and see the two languages, spoken and silent, that combine to present the full, rich tapestry of human experience in all of its delightful complexity."